How to Understand & Support a Partner with Mental Health Issues
When your partner is grappling with mental health issues, it can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. You want to be there for them, but you're also acutely aware of your own mental well-being and how taxing it can be for you to care for them. Let this guide on how to understand and support your partner who is going through mental health issues light the way. Let’s explore ways you can be a more supportive partner while protecting your mental health and ensuring it doesn’t get left in the dust.
The Reality of Relationships and Mental Health Issues
When you’ve completely fallen head over heels for someone, you feel like you’re in it for the long haul - no matter what gets thrown your way. However, when the honeymoon period is over and the rose-colored glasses come off, it can feel jarring to realize you’re in a situation where one of you is going through some mental health issues. You might feel torn between wanting to help and wanting to bolt. Understand that mental health issues can vary widely from anxiety and depression to more complex conditions. And you probably already know that some of these occur many moons into a relationship.
Sometimes we have a hard time recognizing when our partner is going through something. It might feel like they are isolating themselves more or pulling away, or it could also look more confrontational. As a partner, you might find yourself in the deep end, trying to understand what your significant other is going through. It’s like navigating a foreign film without subtitles. This requires patience, empathy, and an open mind. Remember, their struggles might be invisible but are as real as a physical wound.
Your Emotional Rollercoaster as a Caregiver
There’s a decent chance that if you’re reading this post, you’re already going through this so none of what you’re about to read should be surprising! You might be experiencing a range of emotions – frustration, helplessness, and even resentment. These feelings don't make you a bad partner; they make you human. The backlash from others, who may not understand the complexities of mental health, can add to this stress. You might hear things like, “Why can’t they just snap out of it?” or “You’re too good for this.” Navigating these external pressures while trying to be supportive can feel like walking a tightrope. So what can you do to help your partner?
Being a Supportive Partner: 101
-
Reality Check: When your partner speaks, they might not always make sense to you. They might repeat themselves or express thoughts that seem irrational. Here, your role is not to be a fixer but a listener.
How to Do It: Encourage them to talk, and when they do, listen. Nod, maintain eye contact, and hold back from immediately trying to solve their problems. Sometimes, a listening ear is the most potent remedy.
-
Reality Check: Mental health is complex and often misunderstood. Your partner’s condition might be something you’ve never heard of, and understanding it takes effort.
How to Do It: Dive into books, credible online resources, and forums. Attend workshops or talks. Understanding their condition is like learning a new language, one that will help you communicate and empathize more effectively.
-
Reality Check: Sometimes, your partner might resist the idea of professional help. This can be out of fear, stigma, or a sense of hopelessness.
How to Do It: Approach the topic gently but persistently. Offer to assist in finding a therapist and even go with them to appointments if they’re comfortable. Remember, you’re a navigator, not a driver in their journey of healing.
-
Reality Check: Your own mental health can start fraying at the edges if you’re constantly in caregiver mode. It's easy to fall into a pattern where your needs are always secondary.
How to Do It: Clearly communicate what you can and cannot handle. This might include times when you need space or activities you cannot compromise on. It’s about balancing empathy with self-preservation.
-
Reality Check: You need your own support system. Carrying the weight of two people’s mental health can be crushing.
How to Do It: Lean on friends, family, or join support groups. Individual therapy can also be a great avenue to explore. It’s like having your own team in your corner.
-
Reality Check: Sometimes, situations may escalate beyond your control.
How to Do It: Know the signs of a mental health crisis. Have a list of emergency contacts, including their therapist and local emergency services. Keep their medication information handy. It’s about being prepared for the storm.
Caring for Your Mental Health
Have you ever heard the phrase “you can’t pour from an empty cup?” It basically means that you can’t help anyone if you’re on empty and tapped out. Caring for your mental health in the midst of your partner's struggles is not just vital for you, but it's the linchpin holding the relationship together. Imagine your relationship as a boat in the ocean of life.
If you're both not taking care of your mental health, it's like having water seep into your boat. Eventually, it will become too heavy, and the boat risks sinking. By taking care of your mental health, you're essentially keeping your side of the boat afloat. Not only does this prevent you from drowning, but it also provides a stable platform for your partner to lean on.
Moreover, it sets a healthy example, showing that mental health is a priority. This dynamic creates a healthier environment where both of you can thrive. It’s akin to a dance where both partners need to be in good form to perform gracefully. If one falters, the dance stumbles. Caring for your mental health ensures that you’re both able to dance through life’s challenges with strength and grace. Remember, in a relationship, you’re not just individuals, but a team. By maintaining your mental well-being, you’re upholding your half of the team, making the whole stronger.
So, how do you take care of yourself? These steps may help:
-
You’re important and you need to keep yourself from running on empty. It’s easy to neglect your own needs. You might feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
How to Do It: Schedule time for activities that recharge you. It could be a hobby, exercise, or simply quiet time. Think of it as putting on your oxygen mask first before helping others.
-
You need other people to lean on. Isolation is a common trap for caregivers. You might start declining social invites, feeling like you need to be constantly available for your partner.
How to Do It: Actively maintain your social connections. It’s crucial for your mental well-being and provides a necessary escape from the caregiver role. Choose to surround yourself with caring and empathetic people who lift you up instead of those who may lead you to a negative space. You can also combine your social life with your self-care practice as a 2-for-1 special by including friends in some of your self-care activities.
-
What you can do on your own vs what a professional can help you with? You might harbor a secret hope that your love and support will cure your partner. This can lead to disappointment and burnout.
How to Do It: Accept that while you are a critical part of their support system, you are not the cure. Their journey to better mental health is a path they must walk, with you alongside, not leading or carrying them. Your path to maintaining your mental health may also include professional help from a therapist or counselor – and that’s OK! Just be realistic with yourself about your own needs.
Relationships are a Delicate Balance
Even in relationships without mental health issues, there’s a delicate balance in play. But, when someone is experiencing some mental health issues, the balance required is that of empathy, self-care, and realism. It's neither a sprint nor a marathon; it's a relay where sometimes you need to pass the baton to professionals or your own support system. With patience, understanding, and self-care, you can be the support your partner needs while keeping your own well-being intact. Remember, in the world of mental health, sometimes the bravest thing you can do is continue the journey together, hand in hand.
